My Points of View

 I really want to speak to the hearts of widows and widowers.  I thought about writing a book on this journey, but no, never mind.  We don't need another something to buy.  We need a truth from a person that has and is walking this journey. I've hesitated to start this, but Father kept allowing people to confirm His instruction to me over and over again.  I tried to ignore Him, as though I could, but there is no running from the assignment.  

I did not want to have to learn this lesson the hard way.  So let me stand on my soapbox for a second and release some things that I have experienced over these past years.

Oftentimes, people ignore or shun this group of people (of which I am one - widow) fearing that they may catch the disease of widowhood.  (As though there was such a thing.)  I need you to know fellow travelers that you are not alone nor are you strange in your emotional roller coaster.  Whatever you are experiencing is normal for you.  My journey is different from yours but there are some experiences that we certainly share.

1. People don't always know what to say or how to express their concerns to you or toward you.  They don't understand right now, and you can't and often don't want to enter into a conversation trying to help them get to know you or what you're going through.  Well-wishers often imitate what they've seen others do or say and they don't have a clue that you may or may not even hear them speaking and sometimes don't remember that they are in your presence.  The blank stare that you may have on your face or the exaggerated smile that they see is not necessarily what you are feeling at the time, it's just the best you can muster until they finish doing what they feel is helping you.

2.  People really think that they can put a clock on the number of days, months, years, etc. that you are allowed to grieve.  Not!  Don't allow well-meaning people to dictate the depth or breath or length of your journey.  It is a process that God will walk you through no matter how long it takes.  I still have my moments...nine years later.  I've had people say to me, "Are you feeling better today?"  Sweet statement, right?  Of course it is!  But grieving for your loved one is more than feeling.  Emotions are twisted and complicated.  Depending upon the circumstances, whether they died from natural causes, illness, or trauma...survivors guilt works its way into your grief.  

Thoughts plague the grieved like, "If I had been with them, maybe my loved one would have lived; or I should have prayed more, maybe that would have prolonged their life; or If I had just stopped them from leaving the house that day."  Any number of statements that we tell ourselves as though we could have prevented the clock of life from stopping.  No, and we know that, but it doesn't stop the thoughts from infringing into our hearts and spirits.

No one is really ever ready for the journey.  Even though books are written concerning loss and grief, words are only expressions of how a person feels and what they are going through.  I don't want to overwhelm you with a lot of reading today because my list is long.  We'll travel some more later and then I'll share my journey.